.Tuesday, September 11, 2007 ' 5:59 PM
~ 49th post ~alright...new term...MORE TESTS...MORE EXAMS...MORE HOMEWORKS...MORE STRESS...MORE TROUBLES...MORE PROBLEMS...MORE "STUDY, STUDY, STUDY"...MORE NAGS FROM PARENTS...LESSER REVISION TIME...LESSER WATCH TV TIME...LESSER USE COMP TIME...LESSER LISTEN MUSIC TIME...LESSER BLOGGING TIME...LESSER SMS TIME...NO DANCE...NO FREE TIME...NO SLACK TIME...NO GAMES TIME...NO CALLING TIME...NO CHATTING TIME...NO GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS...NO NEO-PRINTS...NO DOING HOMEWORK IN FRONT OF TV TIME...NO LISTEN MUSIC WHILE DOING HOMEWORK TIME...NO COMPUTER TIME...a new term and it makes so MANY changes in our study life...haiiz~how can a ordinary student which is only 13 and a half years adapt to so many changes at one time?this will only have a consequence...the student will "over-stress"...and why must this unfortunate thing happen to me?how come must i be under stress now?at this point i should be revising but im not...it's all 'cause of the above changes that led to this result...why must this happen?i MUST study hard enough to achieve my promise..which is 70% and 2 A1s for SA2...A1s are at least more easily to acieve...but how get 70%?im not like joshua all those who is so clever lor...im just an ordinary student from swiss cottage secondary school...and im not that clever to get into the best class...is all 'cause of my PSLE results...but this does not means that i can be good enough to be in the best class...if i can choose...i will rather go the 2nd best class...at least it wont be so stressful...i know alot people will say that im siao...but what i had written is what i had felt in the bottom of my heart...i really wish i can transferred to 1e4 lor...at least it wont be so stress...haiiz~but why must i be in the best class?whywhywhy? i really wonder before if this time i can get 70%...im sure i wont achieve 70%...primary and secondary school lives are totally different...PSLE that time i also not so stressed lor...at least i still have the mood to go play play...but not now! i got no mood...even i have been revising from the Sep holidays...but it seemed to be worthless...no use!i got no choice now...i got to study hard enough to get 70%...but something is stopping me...can anyone tell me what is it?i really wondered...the fact that open house is on Nov something make me nervous...open house is a thing...but i got stage fright...this make me hard to perform in front of so many people lor...actually...during teachers' day celebration...i was so "overwhelmed" by the great amount of people/audiences staring at us...i dont really dare to dance lor...it's the first time which i felt so uncomfortable...why is it like this?i want a change in cca!talking about cca...
i always felt that im worse than other people in their dance...
i really wondered since dance is not really my forte...
why should i still join it?
it's useless to join a performing art when i dont have the ability...
lixing they all ALL have the basic with them..
ALL except ME!
i feel so unworthy to be with them...
why must it be like this?
whywhywhy?
wonder if there is other people so unworthy with me...
and the answer is NO!
everybody is already so good in their basic...
everybody except ME!
why must it be like this?
why must it be me?
whywhywhy?!
i really dont even have the slighest idea!
i really felt like commiting sucide sometimes..
really...
but i know i cannot!
being as an adviser of __ to stop doing silly things..
how can i be thinking of sucide all these?
i cannot be like this...
i really have tried before mugging on a few topics for a day...
it dont work!
why should it be like this? ='(
i really wonder...
haiiz~
maybe it's all 'cause of the very wrong move which i made at the start of my school life..
why must i be so gulible to believe everything he said?
why must i ___ ?
if i didnt...
maybe i will still be concentrating on my study...
but i admit after ___ is more relaxed..
but it makes me drift further and further away from my motive of studying...
why is it like this?!
if i never ___...
i may not even know what's ___ a person to be like...
i wont hurt even if i saw ___ being _________...
i wont even know that it's so painful to know who is the person that the person u __ ___...
it wont be so hurtful...
sometimes it hurt for me to ___ being so close with her...
but no matter what i did...
he already _____..
no facts can deny it...
the scar he left is deep...
and cuts into my heart...
i cannot stand it...
but i really dont wish that he knows anything about i ___...
i cannot let __ know...
letting ___ is equivilant to hurting myself deeper once more...
i got to see __ at least for another 3 years...
even not in same class also can see each other when we in different class...
not to mentioned same class...
i dont want to avoid __ 'cause of this thing...
it will really so foolish of me...
maybe i really should let go of the hurting past...
i blame heaven for make me believing time will heal all wounds...
but this serious, deep cut cannot be heal...
even after the cut...
i still __ him...
what am i thinking?
why should i still __ him after what he did?
whywhywhy?
it's really painful for me to be like this...
although i know this wont have a happy ending...
i still cling onto it...
why should i do that?
but i really dont know how to stop __ him...
will there be any solutions?
there wont! :'(
haiiz~
maybe there will be...
but how?
i really cannot believe it's sep now..
and the fact that i started to __ him is about valentines' day that time...
about 7 months ler..
and im still clinging to this "no-ending" __...
why should i?
i wonder how long can i bear with this pain...
haiiz~
maybe not long...
i just wished i could concentrate 100% on my studies...
but i cannot until he gives me an answer...
haiiz~
love is complicated and hurting...
never ever want to be involved in any relationships anymore when im studying...
especially during my school life..
until university? xD
sometimes i really wished that we can have a __...
but i think it wont happened for at least this year...
year ending ler...
my post also ending ler...
haiiz~
must go catch up on my revision ler..
no matter what...
im not going to continue ler...
continue and it hurts me...
so, byebye! =S
I want to be that lovely princess... <3
